Bullying in The 21st Century

Far too often these days we hear of another tragic teenage suicide traced to heartbreaking bullying going on in their lives.  School administrators seem to be helpless to stop it or apathetic at best.  What is this seemingly new phenomenon and what can we do about it?

New?  Hardly.  As a child of the 50’s and 60’s I clearly remember bullying being a part of everyday life.  Some kids got their books knocked out of their hands on a daily basis, shoved out of the seats on the bus, cornered and tormented in the bathrooms; tripped while they walked down the aisle; taunted, called names, teased, slapped.  Whatever we could think of to put each other down, it seemed.  My mother would remind that, “Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.”  Not exactly the truest words ever spoken, but it put the onus back on us to learn how to deal with it.  It was called “problem solving”.  We were told to stand up to these bullies and they would leave us alone.  It worked most of the time and we became stronger for it.

The question is, what is the answer to the current crisis or epidemic of bullying?  Make the bullies stop?  How?  Children will taunt, tease, and bully outside of the critical eyes of adults.  Sadly, it is the nature of the beast.  How about we just teach our children how to deal with it?  Stand up to these young jerks; be strong and assertive. Turn it into a teaching experience, a life skills lesson. 

Bullies will always be there no matter how old we are or where we live.  We can’t legislate euphoria or demand that our schools create one.  Bullies are a fact of life.  Deal with it.

Senior Dating - The Sequel

November 24, 2012

Senior Dating – The Sequel

After nearly five futile years of looking for that last full-time companion, the one who will make us smile, follow us into the sunset, hold our hand and be by our side forever;  the one on whom we can count on in need in our declining years, our friend, our mentor, our partner, our companion, the task has become seemingly impossible. 

Through the hoping, the searching, the nail-biting, and hair pulling (that is, for those of us with at least a little hair left), a plethora of obstacles rears its ugly head and becomes undeniably apparent.   Those things that get in our way; the real reasons senior dating is so vastly different from those exciting days of our youth when every weekend was an adventure; the all important ‘chemistry’, compatibilities, resources, assets, geography, baggage, religion, developed preferences for activities, abilities, health issues, income, etc., ad naseum; all of those considerations that must be explored for the perfect mate.  At this point in our lives, there now exists a host of hurdles, preferences for living the good life few of which any garden-variety citizen is willing to sacrifice accompanied by a diminished pool of contenders – success in remating at this time in life is a challenge not for the feint of heart.

Sixty is now the new 40 and many of us have lots of miles left and have no desire for mundane activities such as marathon bridge tournaments, shuffleboard, and bake sales.  No.  We’re the new face of senior living, arriving on the scene, passport in hand, long standing memberships in our local gym where we can still out lift and out run some members half our age, and ready for the next adventure.  We want to run, hike, climb, ski, dive, sail and otherwise experience life.  We’re alive, loving it and ready to go out in a blaze of glory!!  Yessir!!!  We are not the face of our grandparents’ retirement community.

I belong to an on-line dating site just for seniors.  Seems the electronic age has stepped in and saved us from a tradition of hanging out at senior centers and joining that shuffleboard team, hoping to find signs of life.  We spend exorbitant amounts of time taking and posting pictures, writing bios and presenting ourselves in our best light.  The world is at our fingertips and the shopping just improved . . . or did it?  Lets take a look at some of those aforementioned obstacles.

Chemistry – I love this word, ‘chemistry’ and have come to snicker at the profiles of acceptable gentlemen who require this mysterious chemistry thing to be present when they meet a lady.  What are they hoping for?  We’re old people, for crying out loud!  I, on the other hand, have posted a caveat about this enigmatic condition, fully realizing it to be a condition of youth, related to raging hormones.  I’ve carefully pointed out that neither Angelina or Brad have profiles on the site, thereby rendering the possibility of love-at-first-sight chemistry pretty close to nil.  Recaptivating youth in all its splendor or being the catalyst to restore waning libido in aging men is not something that I offer, although it would seem that is the expectation.  Come on, guys!!  Give it a break.  As Dr. Phil would say, “You need to get real.”

Another pet word that comes up a lot is “baggage.”  Fifty years ago, this was a non-issue.  What do you suppose all of these people mean by “baggage?”  Do I take it to mean the absence of life experience?  The ups and downs that have molded us into the mature people that we are?  Does that mean that our ex’s and children were/are saints?  And that we will never in our lives again receive a phone call to assist?  Or that we will never be concerned with our children, grandchildren, health, or finances?  We have no fears or cautions to guide us?  What the hell do you people mean, “no baggage?”  That’s absurd.  Of course, we ALL have baggage!  That’s life.  It’s how we handle it that makes or breaks us.  Have we addressed our fears?  Have we told our children/grandchildren that the bank is closed, have a nice life?  Do we have our health issues addressed and are living the best life possible?  Or do we continue to defy and assure that we will be a burden in the future?  Baggage!  Bah-humbug!!

From there, the sorting goes to locations.  Many expect to find happiness right next door (do a demographic survey and see how that works for you).  Others are looking for someone to give up their life and join them at their place, thereby ensuring the heirs an intact inheritance and the hapless newcomer the joy of potentially relocating again if their benefactor expires ahead of them.  Most of us own homes and have lives and are dug in right where we are and are reluctant to relocate.

Yes.  Death.  At our age, it’s the elephant in the room.  This is certainly not something that came up in conversation back in the day.  We were immortal as youth, you know.  Now our mortality is real and something that needs to be addressed if we are to take a promising relationship to the next level.  How do you broach this?  How do you introduce actuarials in a romantic context?  Or does one just ignore this fact of life and hope for the best?  That’s risky.  Most of us are smarter than that.

Religion, of course is something that is non-debatable, IMHO.  We have our preferences and some organizations take very tight control of their congregations.  For that, it seems that the only answer is to join or walk away.  For others, negotiations can be brought to the table.  The field is narrowing.

Given the magnitude of the task and the mountains of barriers, is it even possible for those of us over 60 to ever find love again?  For a rich man, he can buy a trophy wife.  A rich woman, a boy toy.  For us poor average schmucks, it’s a little tougher.  Those of us, male or female, with assets and comfortable incomes are not keen to share it with those that don’t.  The active will bypass the struggling.   If we love our homes and communities, we’re not moving.   Our families now come first and they won’t be out prioritized by a newcomer.

We are doomed by our own successes and failures.  We have hardened into our narrow lives of daily routine and dwindling dreams.  It seems that our keenly developed and stubborn preferences and lifestyles have restricted our accesses and availabilities to the very things we would love most – companionship.  And oh, yes!  Don’t forget the chemistry.  

More on Being a Liberal

“Arkansas Democrat’s Cat Killed – Labeled With Liberal and Left on Doorstep”

These glaring headlines jumped out from Huffington Post’s website like a well-aimed arrow through the heart of any semi-conscious and remotely compassionate reader today. I can’t begin to describe my feelings and reactions to this savage and unprovoked attack on something as politically benign as a family cat. It’s a cat. It’s not a liberal. It’s not a conservative. It’s not a voter. It’s a cat!

What kind of possible message could this perpetrator be sending to the heartbroken owners whose biggest crime was to support a candidate of their choice? Does it mean, change your course or you will get yours next? Does it mean that if I say you’re a (God forbid!) “liberal” you have no legitimate point of view or deserve even a modicum of respect? Does it mean this is how we express ourselves in Arkansas? What kind of a new low have we hit in this country over our own ignorance and prejudice? Is this now an accepted tactic by the right wing conservatives? Are we now so in to hating each other that nothing short of taking a life will remedy the madness? Who or what will be next?

This is the second blog I have written about what it means to be a liberal (http://cindybirko.blogspot.com/2008/03/what-it-means-to-be-liberal-like-its.html) and I hope that just one self-professed ‘conservative’ gets it this time. What’s the matter with you people?

According to Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, “liberal n. ; one who is open-minded or not strict in the observance of orthodox, traditional or established forms or ways; an advocate or adherent of liberalism esp. in individual rights.” Therefore, one could conclude that if you are not a liberal, the opposite would be true; you adhere to dogma, ignore 200 years of progression, and don’t give a rat’s ass about individual freedoms. How DARE you call yourself an American!

Any of you reading this that considers yourself a ‘conservative’ whatever the hell that’s supposed to be, please explain to me in detail what you think a ‘liberal’ is that deserves to have their pet cat destroyed and displayed on their doorstep and have their children view the carnage and be traumatized.

Aren’t you just as outraged as I am? Isn’t every American? Shouldn’t every responsible citizen be pissed at this act regardless of your political affiliation? Isn’t every red, white, and blue redneck to wall street executive incensed that someone, some deranged nut case is representing themselves (obviously) as a conservative and giving all of us a proverbial black eye? Show me. Show me you care. Convince me this does not represent the mentality of the right wing. Denounce this act publically. I challenge you.

Let me tell you something. I do not consider myself to be either liberal or conservative, but I damned sure am an American and proud of it. I represent compassion, fairness, equality, truth, and honor; those noble values that inspired this country’s birth. I believe in paying my fair share of taxes. I believe in good education for all children in this country. I want my tax dollars to help those less fortunate than myself (and I don’t have much). I believe in affordable and reasonable health care for ALL Americans, not just the uber wealthy and I’m willing to help with that to the extent of my abilities. I own guns and I believe in supporting our troops by bringing them all back home and taking the best care of them when they return. If all of this labels me a liberal then I will wear that name with pride.

We all have a dog in this fight and we’d better wake up and smell the coffee because the fabric of this society is coming unraveled. You know it and I know it. The way out is not a matter of liberalism or conservatism. It is a matter of unity. Put away your guns, lies, and smear campaigns and shake your neighbor’s hand. We have a lot of work to do here to turn things around and it will take all of us to do it. Obama or any other president cannot do it on their own. You have stake in the country’s future and you’d better figure out how it works and get involved. The president, the principal, teachers, the police, NOBODY is going to fix this for you or us. We have to do it ourselves, one person, one family, one community at a time. You no longer can sit on your hands and lay blame when nothing improves. Let’s get to work. This time it was a cat. Who or what will be next and what are you doing today to ensure this won’t copycat or escalate in your community?

Support Our Troops

Seems like hardly a day goes by that I don’t receive at least one patriotic email; Old Glory flying and pictures of troops in full battle gear with a message to support our troops. After all, they’re over there fighting for you and your country. These emails invoke the name of God Almighty to protect and save our troops from harm and suggest that the recipient is less than moral if they do not pass on the message to their entire mail list – “Please share with everyone you know.”

For the sake of our freedom and our country we are told, our finest men and women are coming home in pieces or body bags, changed forever by the reality of the horrors of war. Honorarium is paid publically as the most wounded warriors stoically and respectfully listen to their Commander in Chief laud their efforts while silently swallowing their bitter pills of truth.

Through the misty memories come visions of The Big One, WWII (once referred to by a young teacher to her class as “World War Eleven” - ?). That was a time of unity; we came together at a time when our troops truly were defending the right for this country to exist. History teaches us how we fought enemies on two fronts. Japan and Germany had both declared war on the United States; a peaceful and prosperous country just doing our own thing, blissfully unaware and uninvolved in international politics. Without the Herculean effort it took for us to win that war and keep our freedom, we wouldn’t have to worry about this country morphing into a Spanish-speaking nation. We’d all be speaking Japanese or German; no options. It was a time when one could truly be proud to be an American. Our soldiers were heroes worldwide and so were the women who stayed behind and kept this nation ticking. We were a much loved and respected nation by 1945 and it was to the credit of our military.

It was a glorious victory and the late 40’s and 50’s in this country were celebratory. We were strong and we were prosperous. We could all be millionaires if we just worked hard enough. Jobs were plentiful and our future was secure. Life was good once again; maybe too good. It bred an apathy for the corruption in our midst and a longing for those days of honor and cohesiveness – a united nation against an identifiable enemy; a mission; a goal. But there were foxes watching our henhouse and they were smart and they were wily and it would be many years before we could come to understand the gravity of that force that was undermining our society. The common cry would be, “Support Our Troops.”

It’s been over 60 years now since any nation has declared war on us, jeopardizing our freedom and our culture(s). Given this uncontestable fact, it’s hard to imagine how any soldier has died for me or you or this country or our freedom in those years. What is the direct threat to this country? Yet, our soldiers are still sent overseas and continue to give their best, fight and die. Why? Were the Koreans going to overrun us and take over? Hardly. The Vietnamese? Don’t think so. Well then, how about the Iraqis? Still no? Surely those Al Qaeda and the Muslims in Afghanistan are threatening our security! Really.

When someone decides to join the military, you sign a contract that says you will obey orders or go to jail and you don’t get to pick which conflict. You go or else. The recent deployment of our national guardsmen, who are supposed to stay state-side to help with natural disasters and home-front defense because there were not enough regular army volunteers should say something to the rest of us. Do you hear the message? Where are the noble masses that want to fight and die for causes that are not clear to us? There are a few, but not in the requisite numbers to do the total job. Obviously, we’re too smart for that.

So what about the soldiers deployed? Why are we in Afghanistan today? Okay. We got Osama bin Laden and his heir apparent. Mission accomplished. Fighting for me and my freedom? No. I don’t think so. So, what are they fighting for? The ones I have talked to personally are not deceived by the patriotic hype. They get it. If you want a clue, try “oil” – big oil. Do your own research. We all know that Iraq has vast oil reserves as does Libya. Go online and search for Unocol or Turkmenistan oil reserves, or even “Carlysle Group” – remember them? The only thing in the way of that last remaining big oil reserve and the sea to ship it out is . . . . guess what? Afghanistan. Gee. I wonder what our troops are fighting for? Wouldn’t be the right to build a pipeline, now would it? Right. And the US Government would never hand out no-bid billion dollar contracts to Haliburton, but they did.

Personally, I do not feel safer for any amount of dead Afghanis or Iraqis and now Libyans. I have never felt threatened by any of those countries or their mad leaders. I fear the enemy within. So from now on, well meaning friends, put the flag down and quit sending me this crap about troops dying for me and my country. They are dying for money – BIG money interests in foreign countries so that you can have cheap gas and their profits can continue to soar. Deal with it. That’s reality. This is the enemy within that has been getting bigger and more powerful for the last 60+ years while you wave your flags and proclaim, “Support our troops.”

WAKE FUCKING UP, AMERICANS!!! Support your troops by demanding that they be brought home immediately and further, given the finest care available when they get here. To do less isn’t even almost disguised patriotism. It’s just wrong. Educate yourselves about predatory capitalism and bring this country back into balance. We still have time, but you’d better get a whole lot smarter, quicker. The foxes are waiting and your children are dying. But damn! Four dollars a gallon for gas!? Unacceptable.

Take my pledge to our soldiers with me:

“American veterans – I salute you and the job you have to do. I understand why you are there. I get it. I support each and every one of you and I am doing my damndest here to bring you home to your families and your friends and to make sure you get all of the help you need when you get home.”

Jesus - Savior or Scapegoat

Jesus – Savior or Scapegoat?

After six plus decades of living on this planet and being raised to be a good Christian, go to church on Sundays, be baptized, read the Bible, and believe in Jesus, I came to contemplate the validity of it all and the true meaning of the messages handed down in all religious disciplines, not just my own. It seems to me, after all, that they all have the same core values; be nice to one another, be chaste, honest, don’t steal, meditate, and have respect for all living things. So what matter is it which one you should adopt? Doesn’t it matter that you just believe in something?

I always believed in the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, so I was perplexed when I would hear the preacher admonishing parishioners from the pulpit to “accept Jesus as your personal ‘savior.’” What does he want, I would wonder? I already believed. Isn’t that enough? It seems there was another step that I should take, but I just didn’t get it.

As time went on, I found myself fascinated with religious history; its roots, why so many interpretations of the same man’s teachings have come about. Why is it that generations worldwide have been willing to kill one another over their elucidations? To kill, rape, maim, torture, and otherwise make miserable my fellow man as historically evidenced during the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, and even the legalized genocide practiced against American Natives, in the name of the Prince of Peace made no sense. I could not reconcile these mixed messages.

Sunday mornings, the pews would be full of self-righteous individuals some of whom had spent their week cheating, stealing, and ignoring their brethren in need, practicing greed, and a host of other sins. The message was, “accept Jesus as your savior, and all is forgiven.” No further responsibility required.

After countless years of observing these repeated sins and repeated repentance, it occurred to me that these individuals just didn’t get it and had no intention of taking responsibility for themselves and their actions. All they had to do was say, “Sorry, Jesus” and the damage was behind them.

It has taken me all of these long years to come to the sad conclusion that this is not about salvation; this is about scapegoating. “Salvation” implies that something has been learned and corrective action will be taken in the future. Collectively, what have we truly learned as a nation, as a society, as a neighborhood, what do we do better today than we ever did before? Do we love more? Do we involve ourselves with our fellow man for the benefit of our culture? Do we forgive one another? Do we take only what we need? Do we respect the earth that God gave us and his bounty? Or do we just take and take and take and then ask forgiveness?

Next time you pray for forgiveness, be brutally honest with yourself and ask if you’re really asking for salvation, or are you just looking for a scapegoat so that you are relieved of the burden of ‘responsibility.’

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Whatever happened to that beloved family doctor? You know, the one that really cared about us; the smart guy with the degree on his wall who always knew best? The one we could always trust to give us truthful diagnoses and helpful advice and medicines? I don’t know about yours, but mine has turned into the CFO of a rather successful clinic in my hometown. He knows more about his bottom line and profit margins than he knows about healthcare in America today and mine in particular although I’ve been his patient for nearly 30 years. You’d think after fifteen or twenty years, he might remember something. Obviously not.

Over the years, he has put me hormone replacement therapy for thirteen years until the (gasp!) studies of 2002 showed that it HRT did far more harm than good (I took myself off of that); told me that after a mere three years of Fosomax, my frame would return to that of a 30-year-old (absolutely not true and I took myself off of that as well); diagnosed a heel injury as tendonitis and prescribed anti-inflammatories and three rounds of physical therapy. Three years later, two podiatrists, a heel surgery and an MRI, turns out I never had tendonitis. I actually had tendonosis and everything that I had been doing was exacerbating the problem. I went on-line to a running website, found a series of exercises and fixed the problem within four weeks.

You’d think that once in a while, this guy would actually hit the mark, but I’m left to my internet research once again as I am given the bum’s rush this very day out of his office with a new prescription for a reduced amount of a certain medication when there were indications that I was being UNDERmedicated. I even tried to ask him about that. He just mumbled and kept writing then after discussing his recent vacation with me, launched into a lecture on healthy lifestyle and losing weight. Wait a damned minute here! I have weighed the same for over 20 years, I belong to a fitness club, work out regularly and eat between 1500 – 1800 calories a day and have been living a very healthy lifestyle for over 25 years! His response to that was, “I don’t care how many calories you’re eating, drop them by 500 a day to establish a new baseline.” A thousand calories a day for a very active woman? Really. Sorry, doctor. I’m calling bullshit on you. Last time I asked him why I couldn’t lose weight, his response was, with a smile and a chuckle, “I hear this from post-menopausal women all the time. Start eating more protein, especially at night.” WTF??

Since I only see this guy about once or twice a year and mostly argue with him about my care, I like to take advantage of his audience and discuss any current concerns I might have. As an example, I wanted to discuss with him the pain in my hips to see what, if anything I should or could do about it. Also, I regularly experience anxiety and I wanted to talk to him about that. I’ve actually been hospitalized for anxiety-related chest pain before, but I doubt if he even knows that. He was obviously very annoyed with me as he rushed out the door to his next account receivable. I did not spend four whole minutes with this guy and since I don’t have insurance, I got to write him a check for over $200 for his good services.

Go ahead and ask me if I’ll ever go back to him. Go ahead. Anybody know any good naturopaths?

Obama Bashing and Other Popular American Sports

Obama Bashing and Other Popular American Games

I swear, if I get one more email bashing Obama and his administration, I’m going to scream!! What, exactly is the big objection? No one seems to be able to clarify that. They don’t like the health care, but have no idea what’s really in it. Nobody’s read it. How can you object to something you know nothing about? Besides, the ‘other party’ had ten years of dominance (hmmmm…. No wonder the RNC is checking that out) to do something about health care in this country and they did nothing; nada; not one damn step. Is their agenda then just to maintain the status quo and do nothing? Is health care reserved only for the rich (and you can only get rich if you’re mean and greedy)? Now there’s a lofty goal.

And what about Nancy Pelosi? What the hell did she do? I’m very proud of the fact that finally a woman has been appointed to such an important position. She obeys her boss. So?

Most recently, there’s a new movement to blame Obama for not bringing back the economy fast enough!! Have you all lost your frigging minds? Or are you really that naïve about how the economy works in the country? Obama is not a dictator that can make things happen on a command.

Seems like all the top brass in the current administration are ripe for bashing except for the VP, Biden. Hmmmm …… everyone gets criticized except for the white boy. Gee. Any prejudice going on here? Nah. Couldn’t be that now, could it?

I’ve watched Obama’s speeches and I hear the news too and from my perspective this president is contributing more effort to reaching across the aisle for bi-partisan cooperation than any other president in my memory and I go back a ways. So why won’t the Republicans step up and join forces? What’s the risk? Are we now so divided in an ‘us and them’ scenario that cooperation is impossible? Have we already forgotten the frightening tactics (“I’m the decider.”) of the Bush administration and his henchmen (Cheney and Rumsfeld)? Have we reduced ourselves to a non-thinking group of thugs that love to nurture hate rumors and just wanna kick some butt? C’mon people! Wake up! You’re smarter than that (theoretically).

Even if you don’t like the man at least have some respect for the position of the President of the United States. How our enemies must laugh and enjoy our divisiveness. Be part of the solution not our destruction.