Finding Love in Your Sixties

Well, just the title should be enough to scare you off. There is a stereotypical image of the sixties singles and I’ll have to admit, in large part, it holds true; visions of dried up old raisins with saggy boobs and shriveled men with no hair. Those of us of that age can remember fondly the “Granny” cartoons in Playboy and relate. Maybe the ol’ girl is still there – haven’t a clue.

As a woman in that demographic, I proudly announce that I am one of the few and emerging new sexy senior citizens. Despite the typical post-menopausal few extra pounds, I’m still in pretty good shape for an old girl, still firm in the right places. I work out at a gym, hike, fish, and camp, do my own carpentry, and run my own chain saw. I’m quite alive, healthy, and divorced. So how do I find a new companion in the 21st century?

Let’s look to the internet. Now there’s a fine option for you and I have signed up on no less than four on-line dating services. The automated matches that I receive courtesy of two of these services reveal a variety of colorful relics, most of whom post multiple pictures of their treasured Harley Davidsons. Now, I’m not sure what happens to mature men when they suddenly find themselves single again (or not), but those Harleys have definitely found their nitch as a phallus symbol for aging studs, most of whom need to rely on modern chemistry to simulate what they used to do all night effortlessly.

I’m definitely not your typical motorcycle mama. In fact, I know of few women in this demographic that are, although the wind in your face at 70 mph tends to pull the wrinkles out and give one a fresher, more youthful appearance. Forget going topless. I heard of one woman who got her nipple caught in the spokes. It was not a pretty sight. I prefer the quiet comfort of a nice sedan, SUV, or pickup, preferably one with Sirius radio and GPS (we tend to lose our sense of direction after about 55 or so). That way, we can listen to Elvis or the Beatles while we wait for search and rescue after having provided precise coordinates via the GPS unit. That being said, we’re on with the search.

For about the last year, year and a half, I’ve been using these sites and on occasion even met a few prospective companions. Let’s see, so far there’s been one who already has cirrhosis of the liver; God only knows how long he’ll last. Another was a confessed bi-polar; a third was a full-blown alcoholic that displayed bi-polar symptoms. Then there was the guy with whom there was RED HOT chemistry! Boy! That one had some distinct possibilities. Turns out, after my requisite background check, the guy wasn’t exactly who he said he was and seemed to have a little secret….like, a wife. I don’t think so, dude.

Others have been the evasive sailor, whom I have big suspicions about; the guy with no money or any other assets; and then there’s the dream guy who after one blistering day of laughter and romance, disappears and is never heard from again. Crap. He even passed the background check.

Whatever the phenomenon, I can’t describe it. I can only report on the history of what happens to me. To say this whole scenario is frustrating would be an understatement. I’ve put myself out there in all sincerity. I’m a reasonably good looking woman. I’m healthy, positive, have a life and my own money. So what is it? What is the missing ingredient that causes companionship to elude me? Am I doomed to be nothing more than a nurse or a purse to those poor unfortunate males of my species that wore themselves out being defiant all their lives? I don’t think so. I’d rather be alone. And so it is……